What
I liked when I watched the episode of Callan
in Network's ITV 60 box set was that it
seemed so different from the similar adventure series I had seen from that
period. I have only seen a handful of the early Danger Man episodes and though there are similarities, in that both
Callan and John Drake are doing the messy jobs that no one else wants to do,
Callan’s character intrigues me more because he’s a reluctant participant. John
Drake’s world is, if not necessarily glamorous, then at least exotic. The Saint takes similar excursions to
foreign climes, even if the cast rarely stepped outside the grounds of Elstree
Studios. Callan lacks that escapism
and in comparison, it’s a very dingy world. The
Saint and The Avengers are both
fun and bright even when they start off in black and white. The Prisoner is weird, psychological and
taunting. The colourful and relentlessly upbeat nature of the Village is
increasingly creepy once you discover what is actually going on. But
nonetheless, I would hesitate to describe The
Prisoner as ‘dark’ and yet that’s the first word that springs to mind for Callan. Classing it as an ‘adventure’ series is probably pushing it. Everything
seems to happen in the shadows and the main character has a big problem with
the morality of what he does. I’ve also never heard the word ‘bastard’ in any
of the other series. And tension. Tension! So much tension. The music is used
sparingly. Sometimes it racks things up but other times the complete utter
silence is nerve-wracking. I get the feeling that if anyone in the studio had
coughed they would have been instantly fired. Everything seems planned to give it
as much realism as possible.
As
I sat down to the first disc of my Callan
– The Monochrome Years box set, I selected ‘Play All’ and was intrigued to
see a caption for Armchair Theatre
appear. Armchair Theatre were one-off
plays but this one eventually spawned Callan
it would appear. The title of the play is A Magnum for Schneider. A chocolate
lolly? Champagne? Probably not.
We
have a wonderful opening scene where we learn quite a lot quite quickly. We
meet Colonel Hunter (Ronald Radd), a rather cold and dislikeable middle-aged man. We gather
that Callan used to work for him, for ‘them’, but he felt things too much and
it turns out this isn’t a particularly desirable characteristic when your job
is killing people. It seems to have been a mutual agreement that he left the
job but now they want him back. As he’s utterly bored stiff in his current job
he decides to reluctantly take up the offer to kill one more man. I’m sure plenty
of people know how he feels. Just because he can, Callan fires four bullets at
a target and considers himself a touch off form as one misses.
Callan’s victim-to-be, Schneider, has the
office across the hall. He’s played by Joseph Fürst, an actor whom I’ve only
ever seen portraying bad guys. Nothing in the world can stop him in Doctor Who (in fact on Saturday 4th
February 1967 you could have watched him go to a watery grave in The Underwater Menace on BBC1 then
later turn over to see him in this episode of Armchair Theatre!) and he plays a Professor working for Blofeld in Diamonds Are Forever. He does
over-the-top quite well. Callan bumps into him in the hall, they start talking
and find they have a shared interest in model soldiers. It’s a very natural
conversation and they even exchange a joke about the war, which I really liked
considering Germans on TV at this time always seem to turn out to be ex-Nazis.
Schneider has some soldiers set up in his office (I love that he plays with his toy soldiers whilst at work!) and invites Callan
in to see them. Callan is hesitant but eventually goes in. He’s already been told
that he gets too emotionally involved in cases and here he is going to play soldiers with the bloke he’s meant to be bumping off! No wonder he’s been
struggling if this is what he usually does.
Heading back to work, his boss (Ivor Dean) reprimands him
for being a few minutes late. There are only a couple of scenes between Callan
and his boss in this episode but they’re good. They’re well written, showing us
Callan’s contempt for his job and his boss. He takes the piss and the way he
speaks to his superior is inappropriate at best. At worst it’s downright rude.
I think Callan is supposed to have been there about six months and frankly I’m
astounded he has kept the job that long. As a man with no track record or
references we’ve been told that ‘they’ helped get him the job. I wonder if they
purposefully chose him such a horrid job.
We get a scene in a pub. It’s small and
grotty and so are some of the customers. Callan has come to meet one in particular. Lonely is so nicknamed because no one dare goes near him due to some serious body
odour issues that Callan can’t resist repeatedly remarking on. Callan wants a
gun and not-so-subtly passes Lonely an envelope containing £100. Quite where a
bookkeeper has managed to quickly get £100 from, the equivalent of well over
£1000 in 2016, is never explained. He must have savings from his days as an
assassin because when we see Callan’s bedsit it’s clear that if he does have
any sort of money he certainly is not spending much of it.
Callan isn’t at all sure about his
assignment. He sleuths his way into Schneider’s office and later his flat,
eventually finding some documents that prove Schneider has been selling guns to
Indonesia. My knowledge of foreign affairs in that region is pretty slim. At a
push, I could probably find Indonesia on a map. But helpfully this year I did see a BBC
documentary from 1964 that followed the British Army in Borneo, which borders
Indonesia. The army was in the jungle on the border defending Borneo against
Indonesia, who were attempting to invade. I got the impression that the
Indonesians they were fighting were more guerrillas than an officially organised army. The British government would understandably then have been none too keen
on having someone in their country who was selling guns for people to shoot at
its army. After seeing the documents, Callan’s mood changes and he agrees Schneider
must die. This is a shame of course because Schneider, apart from illegally
buying and selling lethal weapons, is rather a nice guy.
Colonel Hunter has been having Toby Meres (Peter
Bowles) follow Callan. After Callan records a to-be-discovered-later tape
stating that Colonel Hunter is behind the murder, he opens the door to Peter
Bowles who whacks him over the head. When Callan wakes to a phone call from
Hunter, he is told that the tape and a note left on his desk have been
destroyed. Hunter tells Callan he was foolish but I disagree somewhat. Leaving
evidence behind to cover his back if he was caught was a good idea. Not
expecting Hunter to have someone keep an eye on him was the foolish part.
Schneider has invited Callan to come round to
play toy soldiers for the evening. Hunter has instructed Callan to kill
Schneider just before 11 o’clock. But Callan doesn’t. They are having far too
much fun re-enacting historical battles. At 11 the doorbell goes and Schneider
goes to have a chat with some policemen. His wife goes to bed only to find Toby
in there, who coshes her one. Callan comes to see what all the fuss is about
and is a tad peeved to see Toby. Between him and the rozzers on the doorstep,
Callan is feeling the pressure a bit as Toby urges him to hurry up and shoot
Schneider. With the coppers shooed away Schneider returns, finds Toby and is
onto Callan too. He takes Toby’s gun and is suspicious that Callan doesn’t have
one.
But of course, he does – it’s down his sock. He retrieves the gun, waits until Schneider is about to shoot Toby, then at the last moment quickly brings it out and pulls the trigger. It’s all very sudden and a fantastic moment. Though it is slightly spoilt by Fürst's over the top, highly unrealistic death. Once shot, he manages to toss his gun in the air and dramatically launch himself at a lamp.
After berating Callan for taking his time, Toby asks, “Are you alright?” “Yes,”
Callan replies, wearily. But we’re not entirely sure he is.
When Callan asks
Toby if it was he who hit him over the head before Toby laughs, apologises and
admits it was. Callan isn’t laughing though and whacks him one back. With Toby
out cold, Callan wipes his own prints from the gun and leaves it in Toby’s hand.
From a phonebox, Callan calls Hunter. He’s
worked out Hunter sent the policemen around, expecting Callan to be caught with
a smoking gun. He tells Hunter that Toby is still at the flat. “Oh well it's not important. You could get him out I suppose.” But Callan won't be going to fetch Toby. Callan feels
used. “I don’t think I want to work for you, Hunter. It may sound very naive and all that but I did like Schneider. I hate you.”
